We start off with a recap of last week’s angle that saw Dixie Carter return to TNA and serve Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan with a court injunction removing them from power.
We go to the Impact Zone, where our opening match is apparently already underway ((Jarrett’s Jab – One day late, but a great birthday present nonetheless.))
Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money vs Ink Inc vs Generation Me
Everybody is brawling outside the ring until Beer Money brings Shannon Moore back inside and goes for a double superplex, but Jesse Neal makes the save and powerbombs Beer Money off the top of the rope, inadvertently causing them to suplex Moore. The Guns lay out Jeremy Buck on the outside with a double superkick and then drag a ladder out from under the ring, but Max Buck nails them before they can do anything with it. He and Jeremy try to double team Alex Shelley, but Shelley reverses a whip and sends them both crashing into the ladder, which is laying against the ring apron, and then hit about six double team moves before Jeremy Buck takes a chair and throws it straight on at Shelley’s head. ((Jarrett’s Jab- That’s suppose to appear painful how?)) They double team Shelley but fall prey to Sabin hitting a dive off the ladder onto the floor on the Bucks. Ric Flair is on commentary with Fortune saying that he is in charge. He also states that Hogan and Bischoff will be there at Final Resolution. Meanwhile, James Storm takes Neal out to the floor and whips him into the barricade as Roode hits a modified F5 on Moore that gets a two count. Beer Money continues putting the boots to Moore and Storm nails Neal off the ring apron, and Moore hits a crossbody out of the corner onto Roode but Storm yanks him down by the hair and lays into him with rights. Storm nails Neal a second time and tags Roode back in and they go for a double backdrop, and Moore escapes but Roode nails him and gives him a catapult into a DDT from Storm, which only gets two. Beer Money argues with the referee (Jackson James), and Moore rolls Roode up and gets the win. ((Jarrett’s Jab – It might be me, but that looked like a fast count))
Winners by pinfall: Ink Inc
Ric Flair tells Fortune to grab the referee, and they get ahold of him and Roode tells him that he’s becoming a major pain in their ass. Strike one was when he raised the arm of Matt Morgan after he and Storm left him laying in the ring. Strike two was last week when he put his hands on Jeff Hardy. Strike three was tonight when he missed call after call and blew it for Beer Money, and like they say, three strikes and you’re out. Roode and Storm start beating him down, but Matt Morgan’s music hits and he walks out from the back and comes up behind a completely unaware Ric Flair and gets him around the neck. He tells them to let the referee go or he’ll choke the life out of Morgan in front of everybody. Fortune lets the referee go, so Morgan brings Flair over to the referee and tells Flair that if he or his goons mess with that referee again, he’s going to rip their heads off and shove them down their throats. He lets Morgan go and hustles to the back with the referee. Flair grabs a mic and tells Morgan that tonight, he’s going down.
Backstage, Mickie James is telling the camera how excited she is to perform her new single when Orlando Jordan and Eric Young come over with Jordan wearing a dress and Young dressed like like some weird cowboy, and Young talks about how excited he is to see Mickie perform tonight and then pulls out a cowbell and starts banging on it while strutting around. ((Jarrett’s Jab –Orlando, Vito called, he wants his gimmick back.))
We head to Taz and Tenay run down tonight’s card, and they tell us that Ric Flair will pick Matt Morgan’s opponent tonight, while Morgan will name the referee for his match with Jeff Hardy at Final Resolution. Also, Samoa Joe & The Pope will take on Jeff Jarrett & Abyss, and Angelina Love, Madison Rayne, and Sarita will face off in three way Knockouts action!
Mickie James comes out to do a live rendition of Hardcore Country. Eric Young comes out in a red speedo and assless chaps while banging on his cowbell. Finally Tara comes out and puts an end to the performance by attacking Mickie from behind. Eric Young tries to stop the attack, but Tara grabs his cowbell and knocks him out with it. Mickie takes advantage of the distraction they continue fighting it out. Mickie’s dress isn’t exactly suited for staying on her in a streetfight scenario, and she has to use one hand to hold her top on while using the other to swat at Tara. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Although Jerry Lawler usually yells puppies, It was his birthday Monday, so for him: WOO HOO! PANTIES!!!))
Jackson James catches up to Matt Morgan backstage and asks to be the referee for the match with Jeff Hardy at Final Resolution. Morgan says it’s a good idea, but he can’t live with himself knowing he’s putting the kid in harm’s way again. He says the business is all about patience and to let him handle the revenge, and to just keep doing his job and tonight everyone will know his decision, and tells him not to worry about Bischoff. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Yeah, dealing with his dad is the least of his worries…))
Backstage, Ric Flair says he’s pissed at Morgan for making the mistake of putting his hands on Flair three times now. Flair says it doesn’t matter who the referee is, Morgan had better name the referee tonight or Flair will revoke the stipulation and will choose the referee himself because he has that power.
A video plays, chronicling Douglas Williams’ split from Fortune, then we go to Doug Williams backstage saying that he’s wrestling Kazarian again tonight, and he’s beaten Kazarian over and over again, and he’s about to get another lesson in how to wrestle, then leaves to head out to the ring for his match.
Douglas Williams vs Kazarian
As soon as the bell rings, Williams takes Kazarian out with a flying European uppercut and then several more standard European uppercuts. Williams follows with a high knee in the corner and a snap suplex for two. Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Kazarian escapes and nails Williams, then hits a slingshot legdrop over the top rope for two. Kazarian gets a three quarter nelson. Kaz hits a couple of kneestrikes to Williams’s face before turning the three quarter nelson into a neckbreaker for two. Kazarian hits a leg lariat and then kneels over Williams and talks trash while piefacing him, then chokes Williams over the second rope. Kazarian hits a dropkick to the face and covers for two, then chokes Williams on the ropes again while telling Williams that he made a mistake by leaving Fortune. Williams backdrops Kazarian to the apron and Kazarian tries the slingshot DDT, but Williams reverses to a Chaos Theory attempt, Kazarian blocks and tries a victory roll, but Williams reverses to a pinning combination for only a two count. Kazarian hits the Wave Of The Future, but that only gets 2 so Kazarian measures him and goes for the backdrop piledriver, but Williams escapes and absolutely pulverizes Kazarian with Chaos Theory for the win.
Winner by pinfall: Douglas Williams
Backstage, Mickie James is searching the backstage area for Tara.
Also backstage, Matt Morgan stops to have a chat with Douglas Williams when Fortune suddenly runs in and attacks both guys. A big pull apart brawl breaks out until Al Snow and Terry Taylor separate the two sides.
The Team 3D music hits and out comes a pissed-off Brother Devon. Crowd chants Devon’s name, and Devon tells Brother Ray that he’s here right now and tells Brother Ray to come out and settle this once and for all. He tells “Bubba” to come out so they can talk right now, but he doesn’t show, so Devon says the problem is that he’s standing right there and Bubba’s being a coward and not showing up. Almost as if on cue, Bubba comes out in his Ribera Steakhouse jacket but refuses to get in the ring with Devon. Devon says that he’s spent a lot of years bullying a lot of people, and for 15 years that they’ve been together, he’s been nothing but a bully and a coward, and he comes out here and tells people that he was the weak link and his family was the reason they were together all these years. Devon says if it weren’t for him, there would be no Team 3D, and he points to Taz and says he gave them the opportunity to wrestle in ECW. Bubba calls him washed up, but Taz was the one who gave them their chance. Taz suddenly cuts in and says that he hates to get in the middle of family business, but he couldn’t help but notice that Bubba called him washed up. Here’s the deal: they’ve both known him a long time and it sucks to see them deal with it this way, but Bubba doesn’t need to disrespect him, Devon called him into the ring so he should cross the line and get his ass in the ring. Taz says it’s not about him, but he brought him in it, and Taz admits he’s washed up, but Devon isn’t so he needs to get in the ring. Bubba walks down to the ring and starts to get in, but then changes his mind and heads back up the ramp. Devon says that Shannon Moore was right a few months ago: Bubba is a douchebag. Crowd starts a douchebag chant. Devon says that every single company they’ve ever been in, nobody ever liked him and it was only because Devon was there was the reason they lasted as long as they did, and he can show that video as many times as he wants, but Devon says he was the worker of the group and as far as he’s concerned, Bubba is a piece of crap and always will be. Devon says that Bubba nailed him from behind, but he dares Bubba to come in the ring and do it again. Bubba backs off, and Devon again says he’s a bully and a coward. Bubba repeats his claim that he was Team 3D and Devon is Marty Jannetty. Devon says he understands why they were as successful as they were. Devon has to stop as the crowd starts “he’s a chicken” chant. Devon says there’s one way to solve their issue and says let’s do this right now. Devon climbs out of the ring and goes after Bubba, but Bubba grabs So Cal Val and tosses her at Devon as a human shield before running off. ((Jarrett’s Jab – In case you don’t know, not many people like Ray, more prefer Devon in real life. A alright segment, but I’m still not interested in this feud.))
We go backstage to the Pope and Samoa Joe, and Pope is saying that Joe has to be the stupidest Samoan he’s ever met, and Joe responds by saying he doesn’t like Pope or anything about him and he doesn’t want to be his friend or partner, and if he didn’t think Pope would make a great punching bag for his opponents to tire themselves out on. Pope tells Joe how he sees him, and says Joe is a pimple on his back, but he’s down for whatever and he’ll see Joe out there. ((Jarrett’s Jab – At least Joe still has somewhat of a edge))
Sarita vs Angelina Love vs TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne
Before the match even starts, Mickie James (now in a t-shirt) runs out and attacks Tara, and they start brawling again and head into the back just as Madison Rayne nails Sarita with the belt and lays her out on the floor. The bells rings and Angelina goes to work on Madison, hitting a snapmare and a diving dropkick for two. Madison comes back and yanks Angelina to the mat by the hair and then does it again before catching Madison in a chinlock. Angelina starts to escape, so Madison gets another hair yank and goes for a stump puller, but Angelina kicks her way out and gets a flying clothesline and a powerslam on Madison, then runs into Madison’s back and falls down for some reason while Madison tumbles out of the ring. Madison lands right next to her belt, which she grabs and nails Angelina with it, but suddenly Sarita recovers and rolls into the ring, nails Madison, and covers Angelina for the win.
Winner by pinfall: Sarita
We go backstage where Ric Flair is behind closed doors telling some mysterious person and saying that it’s not that he’s not concerned about the mystery person’s future, but he’s got a lot going on with the contract issue with Dixie. He tells Mystery Person that as long as he does what he needs to do tonight, Flair will take care of his future.
Angelina Love is backstage and is kicking anything around her, mad about for losing two matches in a row. Winter shows up and tells Angelina that there’s nothing wrong with her. In fact, she’s perfect, and not to worry, now that they’re together, she’ll never have to lose again. That they will never lose again. Angelina asks her to explain “we”, and Winter takes her by the hand and leads her away, saying that they need to talk.
Matt Morgan vs Rhino
A tie-up leads Morgan shoves Rhino off. Rhino with a boot to the gut and a headlock, Morgan shoves Rhino off into the ropes and takes him down with a shoulderblock, then drapes Rhino over the top rope and hits the Boss Man straddle over the top rope. They head to the outside where Rhino rams Morgan into the ringpost then rolls him back into the ring and kicks him in the head. Rhino starts punching Morgan in the head and busts him open, then chokes Morgan on the ropes. Rhino continues drilling Morgan with punches and kicks and covers for two, then hits the chinlock. Rhino rams Morgan into the corner and Morgan suddenly Hulks Up, looks at the blood on his face, and goes after Rhino with clotheslines, a Stinger Splash in the corner, and a side suplex for two. Morgan goozles Rhino and Rhino breaks free, but Morgan hits the discus clothesline for a two count. Morgan stalks Rhino in the corner and hits the rapid fire elbows, but eats Rhino’s elbow on a charge and Rhino gets a belly to belly suplex. Rhino sets up for the Gore, but Morgan moves and hits the Carbon Footprint and covers, but Fortune runs in and attacks Morgan.
Winner by Disqualification: Matt Morgan
Fortune puts the boots to Morgan and then Rhino joins in, but Rob Van Dam’s music hits and he goes after Rhino and beats him up all the way to the back. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Isn’t that his third t-shirt in the last month or so? Who is he trying to be Hogan?)) Unfortunately for Morgan, he’s still outnumbered 4-on-1 and bleeding. Jeff Hardy’s music hits and he comes strolling out with a chair, and Fortune holds him facing away from Hardy so Hardy can crack the chair on his head. Suddenly, Ken Anderson’s music hits and he comes tearing out of the back with a baseball bat and chases Hardy and company off. He reaches for the microphone, and we’ll find out what he has to say after the break.
Okay, we’re back and Anderson said good evening, and then says he’s been in the business for 11 years and will now do something he’s only done a handful of times, if even that, and then he thanks Matt Morgan for having his back and having everyone else’s back. He knows that Morgan knows this, but he’ll tell everyone else that they may hate each other and beat the piss out of each other every night, but there’s a code and some things you just don’t do like whale a guy in the back of the head with a chair. But Jeff Hardy can do whatever he wants because he’s Jeff Hardy (he stops to mock Hardy’s dance), and he thanks Morgan again and wants to tell us what he’s been doing for the last month, but he really doesn’t remember. This is wrestling, and you’re going to get a boo boo every once in a while, but he put it out there because he wants Jeff Hardy to know exactly what he’s got coming to him. It might not be tomorrow or next week, but Anderson’s going to get him, and he’s heard that Morgan might need someone to referee his rematch with Jeff Hardy, and since Morgan helped him out, maybe they can put their heads together and think of someone. Anderson has an epiphany as the crowd starts chanting “asshole” at him, and says the doctor hasn’t cleared him to wrestle yet, but he may just know an asshole who can do this for him. Morgan offers his hand and Anderson says that in fairness, they probably shouldn’t be seen shaking hands or exchanging money or anything, but he’s got one more thing to say to Jeff Hardy: this Sunday, the bigger man will win.
We head outside the building where Mickie and Tara are still fighting in the parking lot. They fight all around the lot, ramming each other into various vehicles until Tara apparently wins the fight by backdropping Mickie into the back of a pickup truck.
The New Jersey Fist Pump Challenge
((Jarrett’s Jab – Are we really going to waste time with this? Really?)) Robbie E and Jay Lethal come out in their street clothes, and Jeremy Borash informs us that this goes by official New Jersey State Fist Pump rules. Robbie E gets to make his opening statement first, and he wants to remind Lethal that he’s a disgrace to Jersey, bro. He also wants toremind Lethal that he’s never been in a club in his life and he definitely doesn’t know how to fist pump. He’s going to beat him in the Fist Pump Challenge and then he’s going to embarrass him again at Final Resolution. Cookie grabs the mic and starts freaking out about having to get locked in a cage at Final Resolution. Robbie gets to go first and basically embarrasses himself and all the viewers while he makes all kinds of New Jersey references that nobody outside the area would get. Borash tells Lethal that after that performance, he would not want to be in Lethal’s shoes, and then hands him a microphone to make his statement. Lethal tells Robbie that he makes Lethal embarrassed to say he’s from New Jersey, and if he came to the part of New Jersey that Lethal’s from, he’d get laughed at, beat up, they’d steal his shoes, then they’d hang them from the telephone pole. Lethal says that what really pisses him off is that they both know that he would not be X-Division Champion if it weren’t for Cookie, but come this Sunday, he won’t have to worry about Cookie because she’ll be suspended above the ring in a cage. Lethal says he doesn’t know why she’s so upset because he hears her parents kept her in a crib that looked very similar to that. He asks the fans if they want to see him compete in the Fist Pump Challenge, and of course they cheer, so Lethal turns his hat sideways and says “let’s do it.” Lethal starts to Fist Pump, but instead attacks Robbie and clotheslines him to the floor and then beats him up…that’s right, all the way to the back. The cameras follow him this time and they wind up in the interview set where Christy Hemme is preparing for an interview. Cookie shoves her out of the way, so Christy fights back and goes after Cookie, and they wind up by some kind of steel mesh fence door, and Robbie nails Lethal from behind and slams the door into Lethal’s face repeatedly, and then Cookie stands over Lethal with the X-Division Title belt and tells Jay they’ll see him Sunday.
We go to Jeff Jarrett with Abyss, and Jarrett tells Abyss that when he took up MMA, nobody thought he was serious but he’s going to make Joe tap tonight as well as on Sunday. Abyss says that Joe’s not the only one without a chance on Sunday, and says the casket is going to be Joe’s final resting place…unless it’s tonight.
Abyss & Jeff Jarrett vs The Pope & Samoa Joe
We take a quick look back at last week when Joe and Pope, who were partners, decided to fight each other instead of their opponents, leading to their tensions tonight. Pope and Jarrett start, and Jarrett gets a go behind into a waistlock, and Pope sits out and they do a short mat wrestling sequence until Pope gets a headlock, Jarrett shoves him off into the ropes and Pope takes him down with a shoulderblock, so Jarrett takes Pope to the corner and tries a series of strikes, but Pope reverses on Jarrett and lays in a series of quick punches of his own. Pope tags Jarrett in and Jarrett runs across the ring and tags out to Abyss, and Abyss and Joe tie up and Abyss tosses Joe into the corner, but Joe dodges a charge and hits a leaping enziguiri, then hits a facewash. Pope tags himself in and runs over to Abyss and starts raining down punches on him, but Joe gets in his face and they start arguing with each other, so Abyss pops up and kills them both with a double clothesline. Abyss sets Pope in the corner and charges in with the Choo Choo, then tags out to Jarrett, who mounts Pope and gets a cross armbreaker. Joe comes in and kicks Jarrett in the back, but Jarrett doesn’t break the hold so Pope gets the ropes instead. Abyss back in and Pope tries to fight back, but a big boot to the face puts Pope down and then Abyss tags out to Jarrett, who comes in and gets a rear chinlock, and Pope hits a back suplex and we’re reminded (despite that we’re three minutes into ReAction already) that iMPACT has run out, but luckily Reaction will pick up the match.
Both men are struggling to make a tag and both succeed, Joe comes in and goes to work on Abyss, hits an inverted atomic drop, a running boot, and a senton and covers for two. Joe comes off the second rope with a flying kick to the chest and covers for two. Abyss tries coming off the ropes but Joe powerslams him for two, then charges Abyss in the corner, but Abyss catches him coming in and chokeslams Joe. Pope attacks Abyss again and clotheslines him over the top to the floor, but Jarrett snags Pope from behind and catches him in the ankle lock, Pope makes the ropes but Jarrett pulls him off and the referee doesn’t force the break. Pope tries to roll out of the hold and accidentally rams Jarrett into the referee and sends him crashing out to the floor, so Jarrett goes under the ring and grabs a guitar. He brings it into the ring and goes after Joe with it, but Joe kicks the guitar and it explodes into pieces, and Joe grabs the remains of the guitar and menaces Jarrett with it in the corner, but the referee revives and, seeing the smashed guitar in Joe’s hand, calls for the bell.
Winners by Disqualification: Jeff Jarrett & Abyss
Joe gets pissed at the referee and attacks him and tries to put him in the Muscle Buster, but Jarrett clips him from behind and puts him out with the Kokina Clutch. Jarrett and Abyss try to roll Joe into the casket, but from out of the casket comes none other than Kurt Angle. Jarrett and Abyss back off when they see him, and Angle hits the Angle Slam on Abyss and then turns to Jarrett, who flees the ring and runs out into the crowd to get away from Angle.
Jeff Hardy cuts another video promo saying the pieces are in place and some will rise while some will fall. He is Jeff Hardy and he is great, and after everything he has achieved, he can’t and won’t be beaten. Matt Morgan is just another victim for the Antichrist, and this time Ken Anderson won’t get up, and he’ll rest in eternal peace. ((Jarrett’s Jab – First the Main Event: I’ve enjoyed Jeff’s MMA thing, but I really wish they’d make it look like Jarrett can actually make Joe tap out instead of a coward with a guitar. Jeff Hardy’s promos are interesting…))